life flows within and without you
by likedreamersatnight
Summary: in which they find each other in fourteen different lives. enjonine, e.e. cummings and reincarnation.


**a/n: all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

i.

_suppose_

_Life is an old man carrying flowers on his head._

_young death sits in a cafe_

_smiling, a pierce of money held between_

_his thumb and first finger_

_(i say "will he buy flowers" to you_

_and "Death is young_

_life wears velour trousers_

_life totters, life has a beard" i_

_say to you who are silent.—"Do you see_

_Life? he is there and here,_

_or that, or this_

_or nothing or an old man 3 thirds_

_asleep, on his head_

_flowers, always crying_

_to nobody something about les_

_roses les bluets_

_yes,_

_will He buy?_

_Les belles bottes—oh hear_

_, pas cheres")_

_and my love slowly answered I think so. But_

_I think I see someone else_

_there is a lady, whose name is Afterwards_

_she is sitting beside young death, is slender;_

_likes flowers._

* * *

**June - 1832 - Paris, France**

The end burns brighter than she ever did.

She's there, in Marius' arms, dying for him, finally telling him that he is - was - her world.

Gunpowder, dust, and debris fly through the air. All the young boys are scampering for their guns, pushing back at soldiers and praying they won't end up like her (she knows they will). The madness has lessened since she fell, and it gives the other boys time to watch them, and she despises it, because she's always been the girl in the shadows, and she doesn't want her death to be a performance. Even the stony faced leader, who refused her entry to the Musain every time they were having one of their silly little meetings simply because of her sex, is watching, although she doesn't see if he cares enough to cry for her. Her eyes are too busy soaking in Marius for as long as she can, and her heart is too busy shattering to care.

She smiles through the blinding pain and the blood soaking her clothes and the rain beating down on the both of them, and as she looks up at him, she knows it's worth it. He will join her soon, either way, although somehow that isn't as much of a victory as it should be. If she was another person (a better person) she'd just want him to be happy. His happiness would be enough. But she's only ever been herself, and she's never cared about being a better person. Death seems like the wrong time to start caring. So, she waits for a kiss and lets her eyes close.

* * *

After the young girl dies in Marius' arms, Enjolras only gives the other man a moment to grieve. The girl was not his beloved Cosette. She was a child of the streets, and this fight was for her and all others like her, it is true, but there is no time now. She is a being of the past tense, not the present, and Marius' friends and comrades are still here, still fighting, still too damn close to dying. And they've all lost ones they care about. They will lose more. But it's for the cause. So Marius only gets a minute.

* * *

There's a flash of white light and then Éponine is dead.

Or - yes, she is dead, but she is not quite all the way. She can't be, because she is opening her eyes, and she doesn't see Marius anymore. She sees a figure - a woman - all in white, approaching her, and as she comes closer, her features come into view properly; dark, short hair, the deepest shade of brown Eponine has ever seen, and a breathtaking smile. Éponine has seen that smile somewhere before, but she can't quite place it. Really, all she's thinking is that death is not as poetic as she expected, and that dying for somebody else should have been so much more beautiful, and the woman begins to speak.

"Bonjour, Éponine," says the woman.

Éponine opens her mouth, perhaps to curse, she hasn't quite decided yet, but finds that her voice doesn't come out.

"You won't be able to speak for a few minutes. There were a few complications with your death." The woman seems irritated, though she isn't directing it at Eponine. "I'm sorry, I've been rude - I'm meant to be doing something right now and because somebody didn't do their job right, my time's been cut short and I have to rush this. My name is Fantine. I believe we may have overlapped for… no, you were too young. But I am Cosette's mother." Éponine's jaw clenches involuntarily. "Ah, yes, you weren't too fond of her. Probably because of those bloody Thenardier bastards.. I do wish you'd been granted with better parents your first time, but I can't affect that."

Éponine shouts suddenly, but it's as if the sound is pulled out of her.

"Ah!" Fantine says. "Your voice should be back now."

"Oh thank... alright - alright, what exactly is happening here? Who are you? Why am I not dead?"

"I understand this must all be confusing. Now, you will only become more and more confused as I explain this to you, because it involves many concepts that are hard to grasp, but I promise you, if you just listen, and do not interrupt, it will eventually become clear to you."

Éponine frowns (she's never been good at listening, or not interrupting), and Fantine apparently takes that as a cue to continue.

"I know you didn't believe in God in this life," Fantine says. "And why should you have? Your life was miserable - the very definition of it, in fact. I really, really am sorry. But I'm here to inform you that God is real. Just not in the way most of the world assumes. Firstly, God is not a 'he'. Or, in fact, a 'she'. God is not a person. God does not control the world. God does not control anything. In fact, God lost some files not long ago, which is why I'm in such a rush to guide people here now. God is the reason you didn't get a guide. If God had his shit together, we wouldn't be in this mess. God just oversees. God is the boss."

"Are you insane?" Éponine asks. She wasn't provided with a terribly good education in her lifetime, but she knows that some of the words Fantine is saying don't make sense. In fact, they sound more like the woman's own invention rather than actual words.

"I said, no interruptions. And no. Well, probably not. Alright, so. The way the world actually works is quite simple. Every human being has fourteen lives, and each one is a trial. At the end of your fourteenth life, depending on how much you've grown and how much good you've done for the world, a number of things may happen to you. If you have refused to learn from your various lives and simply done bad things for your own selfish gain, you will be trapped in limbo - which is like this place, except far less nice - forever, living, breathing, surviving but not doing anything. It's like a never-ending waiting room."

Éponine raises an eyebrow. _She is, without a doubt, insane._

"Oh, right, of course. 1800's. My bad. Anyway, it's either that, or, if you've been good, you're given a choice between death - true death, not like the first fourteen deaths - or working for God full time. I finished my fourteenth life, where I sacrificed myself for Cosette, and because of the good I've done in all my lives, I was given a choice. I chose working for God, evidently, and that is what I will do forever."

"Why would anybody choose true death if they could live forever?" Éponine asks.

Fantine sighs. "I was _getting _to that. See, some people are so weary of life that though they've done so much and given so much, they're too tired to go on. They just want to sleep forever, and that is, after all, what death is. In fact, death is a more popular choice than working for God. I never get tired, and I can choose whichever form I want, and eat whatever I want, and spend time with the people I love, if they have also chosen to be workers, but I've made this choice, and I can't go back on it. Some people can't handle that commitment. So, they choose death. You may, one day."

Éponine snorts. "I doubt I'm going to be given a choice."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

"I was horrible in that life. I hated everyone around me, except perhaps Marius. I was angry at life. And I took it out on people. Including your daughter."

"But you were forced into that life," Fantine says. "You didn't choose it. In fact, in the end, you sacrificed yourself for another, even if you did originally intend to get the one you supposedly loved killed. And besides, this is only your first life. There will be others. I've been around for a long time, Éponine. I can tell how people are going to turn out."

"So that's why I don't remember anything from my past, then. Because that was my first life."

"Well, even if you'd had other lives, you'd only ever remember them here. The traits you develop in other lives affect you, but you don't remember particular things. In fact, even when you've met the same person over and over again in all your lives - some people are just drawn together, you know - you'll only have a semblance of a feeling that you've met them before. Take Marius and Cosette; the reason they fell in love so quickly was that they've done it many times before. Five lives in a row and they continue to meet and fall for each other. It happened slowly the first time, and got faster after that, because they felt like they knew each other already. And they did, in a way."

Éponine has a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I never stood a chance," she says.

"Because it wasn't true love," Fantine tells her. "You loved what he represented, not who he was. But you'll learn that, eventually. It might take a few lives."

"So, where will I end up in my other lives? Will I be in a different country, a different time? What time is it here? Where is it, actually?"

"Oh, you newbies and your questions," Fantine says. "It's so much easier when you remember everything after ten seconds, but no, you guys have to do it the hard way. Alright, alright. The place we're in isn't really a place, and it doesn't have a time. We're just here. We're existing. And those of us who work for God will exist here forever. Everybody has a section, and your section can take the form of wherever you please. But it's not ever that place, or that time. It's just this. And I'm not sure where you'll be sent. It's not up to me. I've been to a number of places - actually, I got lucky, and I was a peasant around the time when Jesus was born. Of course, he wasn't the son of God, but it was still funny to see him parade around that way. I mean, in that form, I believed he was Jesus. Cried over his death and everything. Anyway, I've been there, I've been into the 2000's and the 3000's and once, 500 BC, though that's the furthest back I've ever gotten. I've been to many different countries. Married a Prince, once. That was awful. Everyone had horrible breath in the middle ages. It made sex an utter horror."

Éponine stares at Fantine with wide eyes.

"Sorry, I have a tendency to rant sometimes, and I really shouldn't be right now, because we've got a lot to get through. Although, I may have just covered it. Do you have any questions?"

"When do I get sent to my next life?"

"Whenever you're ready."

"Will I have the same name?"

"It'll sound the same to you, but it'll be different to others."

"And I won't remember this life at all?"

"Not until you get back here."

Éponine takes a deep breath. Finally, she notices her surroundings - she's in the Inn, the way it looked before they went bankrupt.

"Why are we in here?" Éponine asks.

"That's where your mind felt most comfortable."

"Seriously?"

"I was surprised too. Although, I shouldn't have been. You were happiest as a child. Most people are."

"So… what do we do now?"

Fantine starts walking across the floor of the Inn. Éponine finds herself following the woman.

"Well," Fantine says, "I've got to go and guide Valjean, and then Enjolras - oh, Valjean would be Cosette's kind-of father, and Enjolras was the leader of the Amis. He watched while you died."

"I remember," Éponine says, struck with the image momentarily. Her life is coming back in extremely detailed flashes, like it's all been written into her brain.

"Do you want to stay here? Go to your next life? Hang around for a bit? Actually, you could come with me to get Valjean. Marius and Cosette are there. You get a last look."

And Éponine finds herself nodding.

* * *

Travelling there is surprisingly uncomfortable. It's all blinding lights and pulling sensations and a faint pain all over her body, like being pricked with thousands of needles all at once. When Éponine opens her eyes, she's in a church, and it's weird, looking around at all the shrouds to God and knowing that all God does is oversee things.

"Valjean probably won't see you at first. This is his final life, but he didn't know you very well. Though Marius and Cosette might, so just… don't talk to them," Fantine says.

_So Marius survived, _Éponine thinks. And then she sees it. Cosette's father is in a chair, blanket wrapped around him, looking like death.

Fantine walks over to him, and he seems to recognise her immediately. They speak to each other, words Éponine can't hear, and then someone runs into the room. It's Cosette, looking achingly beautiful in a wedding dress. Marius runs in after her, and they both kneel in front of Valjean. Fantine steps back and watches.

Tears are shed, heartfelt words shared (Éponine is surprised to discover Valjean saved Marius from the barricades; something they have in common), and then, so quick Éponine can barely believe it, Valjean's eyes close. Marius takes Cosette into his arms. Éponine's heart barely aches at all, because all of this is far too overwhelming and she's not going to let it be overshadowed by Marius and Cosette's love. Marius looks right at her for a moment, and she smiles, because maybe, in this first life of hers, where she rotted slowly and so became tattered and dirty, she at least did one good thing. She saved the life of a good man. She allowed him to be with the woman he's loved for five lives. Maybe there is hope for her after all.

Fantine is leading Valjean's spirit towards a light, and Éponine is just wondering if her light would've looked the same, had she been guided, when Fantine waves her over. Éponine walks over, and takes Valjean's other hand. They walk slowly towards the brightness, and then let him go. Watching him makes his way is kind of beautiful. Once he's disappeared through it, Fantine turns back to Éponine.

"If you choose it, you'll be a good guide," she says. "And don't worry - Marius will remember you." And then she looks at Cosette, who is, as Éponine keeps forgetting, her child, with such love in her eyes that it's kind of upsetting.

"Was she your child in every life?" Éponine asks.

"No," Fantine says. "I've had sixteen children in all my lives. The only time I didn't was in my fourth, when I was a nun in 1903 - shit, that was boring. But they all have my love. I hope they all turn out as well as Cosette will. Man, she's going to shine in every life." Fantine breaks away from Cosette, and as soon as she does, it's as if they're alone again. "Alright. I could take you back to limbo, and then have to make my way back to freaking Paris again, or you could come with me. Actually, maybe if we're sneaky about it, you can guide Enjolras without God finding out. I'm supposed to do it because of God's mistake, even though I never met the kid, but he knows you. Could you do it? You don't even really have to talk to him."

Éponine hesitates for a moment, before nodding. What's the worst than could happen?

* * *

She watches him from the corner, as he's slowly surrounded by soldiers. He looks defiant, like fire and marble in human form, and she has no doubt that he will do great things in his next thirteen lives - this is apparently his first, too. The dark-haired one, Grantaire, joins him, and they join hands for a single moment before the soldiers fire. Bullets rip into both of them, and Enjolras splays back out of the window, flag in hand.

_Revolutionaries, _she thinks. _Doomed to die again and again for their causes._

He is surprised to see her when his spirit lifts from the bruised and battered body he leaves behind.

"Take me to Him," he says.

She rolls her eyes. "As you wish, little revolutionary."

Then she takes his hand. Maybe it's just the fact that he died moments ago, but there's a slight spark when they touch. Éponine ignores it, and attempts to be solemn as she walks him towards the light. It looks different this time - more fiery, with rage and fight mixed into it rather than peace, like Valjean's. She likes the look of this one more.

As he disappears into the light, she thinks: _Maybe I'll find him in the next life._

* * *

She's transported back to limbo just in time to see Fantine explaining the last of all the information to Enjolras.

"I'm not entirely certain I can get behind this system," he's saying.

"Some people say that," Fantine tells him, "but by the third life, everyone's pretty much compliant."

Enjolras looks like he's about to argue, but Fantine stops him. "Alright, kids, who's ready for their second life?"

Éponine shrugs.

"No point in waiting any longer, right?" She says.

"I'm waiting to be woken from a bad dream, so I don't particularly care what happens to me," Enjolras says.

Éponine rolls her eyes. "It's the afterlife, Enjolras. Just go along with it."

She's just about to ask Fantine how all these words she never knew have suddenly popped into her head when the woman in question reaches out her hands, placing one on Éponine's shoulder and the other on Enjolras'.

"Ready?" She asks.

Éponine looks at Enjolras, and grins, tongue between her teeth. "I'm always ready."

And off they go.


End file.
